feeling so old..

But really my life is just beginning..


It's funny looking back on all the things I've done, seen and been through and realizing that this is just the jumping off point of my life. Starting new and fresh in my job and in my love life. It's bittersweet and beautiful. There really isn't one word to describe how I feel about my life right now. Any thought or feeling you can imagine I've felt in the past week. All I know is my life is full of fantastic friends and amazing opportunities. Knowing where I've been and seeing who I am now I'm happy.. Truly genuinely happy. I'm not the same girl that graduated 4 years ago. I'm stronger. I know exactly what I want out of life and I'm gonna get it if it kills me. Not going to college has always bothered me. I can't regret not going though because I wouldn't have my kinz and who knows who or what I would be or do. All I know is that I deserve the life I want. Not because I've made all the right choices or because I'm some amazing person, no it's because I'm me and everyone deserves the life they dream of. No matter how old you are or how many steps you've taken backwards it's never too late to pick yourself up and move forward. Sure my dreams have changed in the past few years but that's ok.. Some dreams need to change. When I was younger I never pictured my perfect wedding or how much I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be independent and successful. Now that I am a mom it's the most rewarding part of my life, but now that I have my freedom I can still be as successful as I want to be. Never again will I sacrifice who I am or what I want for a relationship. Anyone who comes into my life has to absolutely love and respect that about me. I have never felt so fulfilled as I do when I am warming and being good at what I do. There is no feeling in the world I can compare it to. Dies that make me crazy or selfish? No it makes me who I am. Quite frankly I'm done apologizing for who I am. I am dramatic and unpredictable and a huge nerd.. And for the first time ever I have never been so proud of me. It's crazy to me to think of all the girls out there that throw themselves into relationships and view their signifficant others desires and dreams ahead of there own. Stop! Seriously it's not attractive and you come off as being clingy.. Trust me I know I used to be there.. I wish I could make girls.. My friends and girls I don't even know.. Understand that being confident and powerful as a woman is so much better than being a plaything.. Sure it's fun being intimate and close with someone but know who you are and who they are before jumping into "boyfriend" "girlfriend" status. Have fun be young.. Don't take things seriously.. Learn what you like and what you don't like what you want and what you'll tolerate and stand by that.. Don't be a girl about it and settle.. And guys.. Stop being so damn cryptic all the time.. Be honest it's so much easier that way..

So yeah again I find myself rambling about whatever pops into my head but who cares.. I'm not writing on this thing for people I'm writing fir me.. And honestly that's all that matters..

Xoxo
Rae